Why Can’t I Relax When Nothing Is Wrong? Reasons Behind Restlessness Explained

Are you someone who finds it difficult to relax even in normal situations when nothing is really wrong?

If yes, the likely reason is that your brain and body has learned over the years (or months) that staying alert is important to stay safe. 

The common reasons why you are unable to relax are likely chronic stress, past trauma, guilt about resting, or the fear of being unsafe that relaxing brings. Also, physical factors like lack of sleep, high caffeine intake, and some medical conditions can cause restlessness.

Even my clients tell me that once their work is done and the house goes quiet, they start feeling restless and their mind starts listing everything that can go wrong. Some of them have also come to believe that their bodies are just not meant for resting. But that’s not true as the reason can be any of the above causes. 

I have explained six most common reasons behind restlessness below, along with how you can identify the reason, and what you can do to relax. 

So, let’s get into it.

Key takeaways

• Being unable to relax when nothing is wrong is a sign of anxiety, chronic stress, learned patterns around safety and productivity, or physical factors.
• Some people experience relaxation-induced anxiety, in which relaxation make them feel more anxious.
• Feeling guilty about resting or uncomfortable with quiet doesn’t always mean you have trauma or have an anxiety disorder.
• The best starting point is to notice what happens when you try to rest, and not forcing yourself to feel calm.

Can’t relax when nothing is wrong? Find the reason using this quick self-check

If you can’t relax, feel like you are always on edge, or your body feels tense all the time, use this quick self-check to find the reason. 

Note: These symptoms offer useful clues about why you can’t rest, but they aren’t a diagnosis. Also, symptoms can overlap, and the same symptom can have more than one cause.

Alright, now, let’s look at each of these reasons that prevent you from relaxing in detail, along with what you can do about it.

6 Reasons why you can’t relax when nothing is wrong

1. Relaxing makes you anxious because you’re bracing for letdown

A lot of people who otherwise feel alright start getting anxiety the moment they relax. 

This happens because of relaxation-induced anxiety. Here, instead of feeling calm or at ease during or after breathing exercise, meditation, or quiet me time, you end up feeling more tense and uncomfortable. 

A likely reason why this happens is that you feel threatened from a quick change in emotion from being alert to relaxed.  You are used to anticipating bad things, and being a bit worried feels safer than relaxing and then being faced with unexpected scenarios. 

Hanjoo Kim and Michelle Newman explained this in their 2019 study published in Journal of Affective Disorders, where they studied people with generalized anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder. Their study supported the idea that sensitivity to emotional shift and a fear of bad things happening while relaxing is what causes relaxation-induced anxiety. 

This might be you if

Your anxiety levels increase while you are meditating, getting a massage, deep breathing, or doing just about anything to relax. You feel exposed when things are peaceful, or you keep anticipating bad news even during good times.

What should you do

Set aside a small time during the day to simply rest. Don’t force yourself to meditate or deep breathe if that makes you more anxious. Just sit comfortably for a minute or two, keep your eyes open, and keep note of how you feel. 

2. Your nervous system is always on guard 

If you are someone who is dealing with chronic stress, you can feel tense or have your guard up even after the moment of stress is over. 

I have seen this among my own clients, especially those who come in for executive therapy. They seem to be hypervigilant and keep scanning for threats even in an otherwise normal situation. 

This can happen with you if you have gone through some trauma, experience a lot of unpredictable situations at the workplace, or simply face a lot of never-ending pressure. You stay in alert mode because it helps you anticipate problems and keep yourself safe. 

Now, let me tell you, having your guard up every time is not always a sign of nervous system dysregulation or unresolved trauma. Most of the time, it happens due to excessive work pressure or responsibilities, anxiety, lack of sleep, etc. 

This might be you if

You get startled very easily, your jaw or shoulders always stay tight, and you can’t stop constantly watching the mood of people around you. Also, whether you’re at workplace or personal gathering, you sit somewhere you can see the entrance. 

What should you do

Try the 5 4 3 3 1 grounding technique rather than forcing yourself to relax. You can smell fragrances in the air around you, identify the flavors in your food or drink, feel the support of the chair you are sitting on, and try to identify things in the room. Also, let your shoulders soften if it feels comfortable and walk a little if that feels better than sitting. 

3. Calm feels unfamiliar because quiet means trouble for you

Did it happen that growing up the environment around you was tense or unpredictable? 

For instance, there could have been constant confrontations or arguments between your parents or other family members. Also, conflict almost always followed moments of calm.

If yes, then you have likely learned to gauge the mood of people around you and anticipate how they might react or what might happen. 

As an adult, this same trauma shows up in a feeling of anticipation of bad things even when life is good for you. 

This might be you if

You don’t seem to enjoy good times. In fact, you feel anxious when things are going really well because deep down you are waiting for things to go wrong. 

What should you do

Learn to differentiate between what is happening right now and what your brain is predicting might happen in the future. Tell yourself your mind is just anticipating and it is not a proof that you should believe in. 

Also, let some small regular moments remain peaceful without anticipation of bad things and see how your brain reacts. Don’t forcibly convince yourself that nothing will go wrong, just do small exercises where you differentiate present moment and expected things. 

4. When you rest it feels like you are wasting time

A lot of my clients tell me they always feel the need to be productive, even when they are exhausted. And when they try to rest, it feels uncomfortable to them. That’s because for them, downtime is something that can be earned only through a lot of work.

This can happen to you if you feel achievement is the only way to be secure, get approval, or avoid getting criticized. In fact, even activities that are supposed to be enjoyed can feel like a task that you need to deliver correctly. 

A 2021 Rutgers University-hosted research paper backs this rest guilt or productivity-based self-worth among people by claiming that how people perceive leisure directly affects how they experience it.

This might be you if

You feel guilty when you rest while a task is unfinished, or you feel bad about pursuing a hobby without setting goals for yourself. Also, you believe that you need to be exhausted in order to rest.

What should you do

Make rest a part of your daily schedule. Don’t see it as a reward you would get after completing your tasks. You can start with a short 5-10 minute break at a certain time everyday. And as you rest, pick an activity that helps you restore, like listening to music, sitting in the park, or reading a book.

5. Uncomfortable thoughts and feelings come up when you rest

When you keep busy, you create a temporary distance from uncomfortable thoughts and feelings, worries, or regrets. But when you are idle and there is nothing to distract you, you start getting these thoughts all over again. 

For this reason, you tend to never relax, because relaxing will bring up those thoughts and emotions again. 

In fact, among some people the discomfort of being alone or undistracted is huge. So much so that as per a 2014 study published in Science, people who rated electric shocks as unpleasant chose to administer shock on themselves rather than spending time alone. 

This might be you if

You reach for your phone every time you sit idly, your mind replays awkward conversations or situations when you’re trying to sleep, or you suddenly think about worries when resting. 

What should you do

If you seem to overthink, dedicate a time of the day to it. For instance, you can take ten minutes out everyday for uncomfortable thoughts and maybe write down what you are thinking. Also, note down the things that you can control and things you can’t control because this will help you ground yourself.

And when an uncomfortable thought comes back and you get trouble relaxing, tell yourself you have already dedicated time for those thoughts.

6. Something physical could be causing restlessness

A lot of times you are unable to relax due to physical factors and not because of trauma or anticipation of bad things in the future. 

For instance, let’s say your caffeine intake was high, you didn’t get proper sleep, you are on medication, or you are experiencing alcohol-induced sleep disruption. In this case, you can feel  restless, anxious, or wired. 

Also, a medical condition can cause this. For instance, if you have an overactive thyroid, you can get symptoms like nervousness, tremor, racing heartbeat, or difficulty sleeping.

Plus, as per the National Institute of Mental Health, restlessness is also caused by generalized anxiety disorder. This can overlap with all the other conditions I mentioned above.

This might be you if

Your restlessness feels physical, it began after a medication or change in daily routine, or it happens along with palpitations, shaky hands, unusual sweating or unexplained weight changes.

What should you do

You can start by reducing your caffeine intake for a week and also fixing your sleep schedule. Try to sleep and wake up at the same time every day, if possible. Also, reduce your alcohol intake, even if it initially means having a hard time sleeping. 

These won’t fix the root cause of inability to relax, but they will help you understand the patterns that cause restlessness. 

And most importantly, if you still continue to feel restless, do talk to a healthcare provider. 

Note: Don’t stop prescribed medication or make major medication changes without medical guidance. And seek urgent medical care for severe or sudden symptoms, like chest pain, fainting or significant difficulty breathing.

Can therapy help fix inability to relax?

If you are unable to relax due to a trauma response, workplace anxiety or productivity-based self-worth, or chronic stress, therapy can definitely help.  

You should talk to a therapist especially if you haven’t been able to relax for weeks now and the thoughts that stop you from relaxing keep coming back. 

A therapist can use cognitive behavioral therapy to address unresolved trauma or underlying anxiety. Also, they can help build practical strategies to respond to uncomfortable thoughts and emotions without impairing your rest. 

FAQs about being unable to relax

Why does relaxing make me anxious?

Relaxing can make you more aware of uncomfortable emotions or trigger anxiety. Researchers call this relaxation-induced anxiety and it is a documented phenomenon. Here, the best thing you can do is take shorter and gentler breaks or fix a time to relax.

Is relaxation-induced anxiety real?

Yes. Researchers have studied relaxation-induced anxiety, including how it is related to generalized anxiety disorder and sensitivity to changes in negative emotions. A 2019 study by Kim and Newman investigated these relationships.

Why do I feel guilty when I relax?

Rest guilt happens when you associate productivity with being responsible, worthy or valuable. In this case, certain unfinished tasks can increase anxiety and make you feel guilty about resting. 

Can trauma make it hard to relax?

Yes. For some people, trauma or prolonged exposure to unpredictable situations can lead to heightened alertness. This makes it hard to relax because relaxing means losing a sense of safety. 

However, restlessness alone does not mean that someone has unresolved trauma.

Why can’t I relax even when my life is going well?

Your present circumstances and your internal experience don’t always match. Anxiety, ongoing stress, uncertainty, habits around productivity and physical factors can all cause restlessness. 

You should talk to a healthcare professional if this pattern persists or affects your daily life. 

Final thoughts

I am sure you now have a good idea about the reasons that might be causing trouble relaxing. 

As you can see, stress, anxiety, learned expectations, guilt about resting, difficult feelings, or physical factors might be causing your restlessness.

Now, if you can identify yourself with any of the factors of restlessness, don’t try to change things dramatically overnight. Take small steps that help you stay grounded and feel relaxed. And if symptoms continue for sometime, talk to a therapist. 

Got more questions or looking for anxiety therapy in Denver or elsewhere in Colorado?

You can get in touch with us!

At 12:2 Counseling, I offer one-on-one therapy through my office in Highlands Ranch and online therapy throughout Colorado.